Top Inventions

Isn't it amazing how ideas for inventions pop into your head. Here are some that I have heard over the years
that seem really sweet. To be fair I'll point out both the good and "not-so-good" of these inventions.


1) Cardboard Town - A set of self-assembly cardboard houses and buildings. A library, a bank, a police station, a house. Big enough for a 10 year old to walk in and stand up comfortably.



Good: This would be cheap to produce and it would provide kids hours of entertainment. Wasn't making forts and playing pretend awesome as a kid?




Not-So-Good: It sounds like a great idea, but what happens when little Billy tries to walk on the card board roof? Lawsuit?


2) Idea number two comes from Jason who went to Marywood with Aimers. Prescription Windshield. Instead of having to remember to put in contacts or put on your glasses for driving, why couldn't the windshield be shaped so the driver can see with perfect vision.



Good: Never forget your glasses again while driving!



Not-So-Good: Although it would work great for the driver, the passengers may experience headaches from looking out the window. Also, what happens when the driver leaves the car? The driver cannot use the windshield to see when he leaves the car.



3) Buzzer candy dispenser. Let's see what happens when we combine a mild electric shock (comparable to the shock from those gag-wind-up hand buzzers) and candy. For this invention... Imagine a co0-koo clock without the clock or the bird. Instead the candy consumer will press a metal button which will open the door where the bird would pop out and instead a piece of candy will come out. Sure the consumer will get a piece of candy, but he will also receive a very mild shock while touching the metal button.



Good: This seems like a great fit for particular segments of the population: electricians, sadists (people who like watching Americas Funniest Home videos), masochists , physiologists, dietitians, people who shop at Spencer Gifts, and general cubical works who need something fun to watch at work.



Not-So-Good: Would this be legal to knowingly market a product that shocks people even at an extremely low voltage? What would be the side effects? Although the "shocking" hand buzzers from childhood didn't hurt too bad, they were to this day very traumatic.



4) Interchangeable sports bumper stickers: Pretty sweet idea actually. If you travel to Boston you can slap on a Red Sox bumper sticker. They would be completely interchangeable and removable.

Good: This would "counter act" having an out-of-state licence plate while traveling. NY plates in Georgia with an Atlanta Braves bumper sticker could only help you if you get pulled over. Likewise, cabbies, and other busy city folk would be much less likely to give you the finger after cutting them off if you support their local team.

Not-So-Good: It's a bit on the paranoid side. Do folks really care where you're from? Also, shouldn't your favorite team bumper sticker just be permanently on your car?

Field Trip

This photo was taken in Bennington. New York City has cows, Saratoga has horses, and Bennington has people???? Well... it is creepy and fun at the same time. In this picture, Luke's indifference to the statue shows that he is not acknowledging her as a person because she will not respond to him with the friendly "Hello!" that he receives from most ladies on the street. I, on the other hand, look like I'm about to rob the old lady of her groceries. I decided not to rob her, the bread looked pretty stale.

Your Mom

A lot of changes have been going down with my mom being sick lately and Amy's mom having a pseudo boyfriend. I have been bugging Amy with with many "your mom" jokes but they just haven't been cutting it.
Luckily there is always the Internet and the reliable "Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia":

Here's some helpful information that I found on the Wikipedia page entitled "Your Mom"

"Your mother" is also sometimes used as a sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek or a double entendre retort to either a mild criticism or even an innocuous statement. This often results in a sexual innuendo, as in the following examples:
Speaker 1: I want to give you something.
Speaker 2: That's what your mom said to me last night.
Speaker 1: What's your dad doing?
Speaker 2: Your mom!
Speaker 1: What do you wanna do next?
Speaker 2: Your mom!

Well .... those are a little harsh. Speaker 2 sounds like an @sshole.
In the spirit of NewDadDotCom, I'll stick with my G rated your mama jokes:

Speaker John: Amy, you look bored. Why don't you call your mom.
Speaker Amy: Why don't you call your mom.

Speaker John: Let's prank call your mom.
Speaker Amy: No! Go do the dishes.



Well.. I hope that helps any new dads who are trying to
have fun with some G rated "Your Mom" jokes.

Later,

John

Going on the Lamb Soon?

Father's day makes me think of one of my father's best stories. When bar tending in the 70's, Jack said that
he was arrested for not having any finger prints. He said that the charges were dropped after he convinced
the fuzz that 50 hours a week of washing beer and cocktail glasses caused his finger prints to disappear.

Was this story true? Was my dad making this up? I don't know?

Well, If you know any one who is trying to change their identity or in trouble with the law then go to:


http://www.fakenamegenerator.com/

Cool... fake ssi numbers, fake visa numbers, fake addresses.

As a law abiding family guy I really don't need this site. But hey, Dr. Richard Kimble was a
good guy that needed a fake identity... so you never know.



Let's test it out and see what it generates:

John F. Zahn2284 Harrison StreetSan Geronimo, CA 9496
Phone: 415-488-5477
Mother's maiden name: Ruff
Birthday: January 20, 1971
Visa: 4532 5438 3771 7923
Expires: 10/2011
SSN: 613-34-8500
UPS Tracking Number: 1Z 823 951 08 8001 860 3

Sweet!!! I've always wanted to live in California.

Well... happy father's day dad!!!! I'll reminisce about
the "finger print" story as I do some online shopping
today.

Fun Random Picture

It is Saturday morning.... who wants to read? Not me? Let's look at our zen picture of the day.

1) Carrot Top playing hoops. Need I say more? His coach in the backround looks concerned while his teamate appears to think

Carrot is funny.

Top Ten New Dad Shows Part II

6) Lost ... Why is this good for new dad's? I don't know.
I just like this show. Actually, it's oddly coincidental
that all the women that get pregnent on the island
die.
7) Real Housewives of the O.C./New York. I'm only
allowed to watch this show if I make fun of the wives'
shallowness and poor values.
8) Your Local Weather. Weather Channel jazz music
combined with your local weather is always money.
Watching my forcast gives me a nice homey feeling
and it's also responsible to find out if I need to take
extra time in the morning to
shovel or defrost my car.
9) Cops. My love of this show is easily described
by a quote from the movie "Clerks". "Nothing
feels as good as pointing out the shortcommings
of others." Honestly, watching criminals mess up their life
oddly makes me thankful of how together and
well my own life is going.
10) Rules of Engagement. David Spade and the
actor formally known as "Puddy" from "Seinfeld.
Always funny and it shows three friends who
are at different stages in their lives, one is single
(Spade), one is engaged (Kate Hudson's bro), and
one is married (Puddy). Watch this show.

I hope you find your viewing zen too. Peace Out!

Top 10 New Dad Shows: Part I

1. How I Met Your Mother - Young 20-somethings drinking and talking smack on work nights .... a far cry from a wild work night for me ... heading out with the misses and my baby for a walk to get some ice cream.
2. Joe's versus Pro's - Nice... psuedo in-shape non-athletes going up against retired pro athletes. It is awesome when the joe's get totally shamed and dunked on. The out of shape Pro's are always 10 times better than the Joe's.
3. Bad Girls Club - Hey new dad's ... it's best that you never tell your wife about this show. If you happen to watch it together then tell the misses, "This show ain't cool. Let's watch Sports or something you like." Then when she is out of the house ... watch it and don't tell her about it. The show is pretty raunchy a disturbing. I don't recommend watching more than 10 minutes at a time.
4. Jon and Kate + 8 - New dad's with one kid don't have anything to complain about. This reality show shows a new mom and dad with 6 three-olds and 2 six-year-olds. Sounds like a lot of work. What have I learned from this show? ... be efficient with your time and lower your expectations with your own personal time.
5. House Hunters - Hey ..... It keeps the misses happy. It is on every night like clockwork at 7:30 and 10:00. At the end of the show you get to guess which house the couple picked between the three they looked at. So, it is somewhat entertaining. Don't forget to let your woman watch her favorite shows too.... Remember the secret to a happy marrage .... "Yes Dear!"

Peace Out ... stay tuned for more. I hope that helps with your TV viewing.

NYGiants, Beer, Sick Baby & P.M.S.

Word up folks!!! This is my blog. My wife does this all the time .... even when
she has P.M.S. Why is it that when she has PMS I always want a beer? Oh
well ... my wife is pretty cool. She has a blog too. She likes to share her
feelings and stuff.