Friday, September 18, 2009

Kids TV Show Comments

Some random comments on some the shows my kids watch.

Curious George:

That's one tough city kid. We have an eight show DVD. In two of the episodes
he floods his home. Why would anyone ever leave George alone? The man with the
yellow hat is not a very good dad/guardian. He should give up George for adoption.

Dora the Explorer:
Is Swiper the fox (who always try to steal stuff from Dora) a metaphor
for corrupt 3rd world governments in Latin America or simply a metaphor
for taxes paid to the government? Maybe Swiper is just there to remind
kids that someday you may get mugged? Or maybe it's simpler than that...
maybe it is just telling kids not to steal?

She also likes to repeat where they're going about 10 times through the
course of an episode. "We're going over the bridge, through the pyramid,
and up the hill." Does she repeat herself so much so my kids will understand
or is it because she has a short attention span and may forget where she's going?

A positive of this show is the Spanish. That helps hold my attention.

The music is repetitive, and the singing is poor. They should call
Simon in from American Idol for help. Maybe that's why the Wiggles are
not on the air anymore? Maybe they're getting help from Simon ... or maybe
from Paula Abdul? Maybe that's why she left the show? That would be
fun if she was on the Wiggles. I would watch it then. I would make
my kids watch it. I'd be like, "Here's a cheese stick... why don't
you sit in your seat and watch the Wiggles."

Friday, June 26, 2009

Sims Castaway

$15 well spent.

Once a week when the kids go to bed and Amy is too busy blogging to spend any quality time with me.... I play "Sims Castaway" on PS2. There are only a few goals of the game: find the other three castaways (my wife Amy, Cindy Lauper, Bob the Sailor), get married to Amy, find all four islands, get rescued, and build a sustainable house/farm/compound.

Following the same lameness of the game Sims, "Sims Castaway" also requires your dirty dishes to be cleaned up in your hut regardless of any "real life" dishes or chores that need to be done in your regular life.

Prior to starting the game, I had to create three other castaways. Creating "Amy" was a natural first choice so Amy would not get jealous seeing my character with another computer woman. The second (non-threatening) choice of Cindy Lauper then followed. I made Cindy with a crazy big funky hat so real life Amy sees her in the game and just laughs.

Bob the Sailor started out as "Mr T" when I was creating him, but the game did not have a mohawk style haircut option. So, the SIM esentially became Mr. T without the mohawk and dressed in a prepy saiiling outfit. "Mr T the Sailor " was too awkward of a name so I just call him "Bob the Sailor".

The last part of the game to mention is that it has natural 2 minute pauses when my character has to eat, sleep or travel. These two minute breaks are just enough time to re-position my 8 month old daughter's bottle (being held up over her blanket w/her lying next to me in a bouncy seat) or just enough time to burp her. Hey... If she wants to get up at 6 am on the weekend the quality of care she gets does go down a bit (just kidding... sort of).

Sure.. the game offers no real long term gain... but it does occasionally offer a bit of downtime before fantasy football starts up. RIP Steve McNair.

Top Hobbies for New Dads

..... blank .....

Friday, August 29, 2008

Top Inventions

Isn't it amazing how ideas for inventions pop into your head. Here are some that I have heard over the years
that seem really sweet. To be fair I'll point out both the good and "not-so-good" of these inventions.

1) Cardboard Town - A set of self-assembly cardboard houses and buildings. A library, a bank, a police station, a house. Big enough for a 10 year old to walk in and stand up comfortably.

Good: This would be cheap to produce and it would provide kids hours of entertainment. Wasn't making forts and playing pretend awesome as a kid?

Not-So-Good: It sounds like a great idea, but what happens when little Billy tries to walk on the card board roof? Lawsuit?

2) Idea number two comes from Jason who went to Marywood with Aimers. Prescription Windshield. Instead of having to remember to put in contacts or put on your glasses for driving, why couldn't the windshield be shaped so the driver can see with perfect vision.

Good: Never forget your glasses again while driving!

Not-So-Good: Although it would work great for the driver, the passengers may experience headaches from looking out the window. Also, what happens when the driver leaves the car? The driver cannot use the windshield to see when he leaves the car.

3) Buzzer candy dispenser. Let's see what happens when we combine a mild electric shock (comparable to the shock from those gag-wind-up hand buzzers) and candy. For this invention... Imagine a co0-koo clock without the clock or the bird. Instead the candy consumer will press a metal button which will open the door where the bird would pop out and instead a piece of candy will come out. Sure the consumer will get a piece of candy, but he will also receive a very mild shock while touching the metal button.

Good: This seems like a great fit for particular segments of the population: electricians, sadists (people who like watching Americas Funniest Home videos), masochists , physiologists, dietitians, people who shop at Spencer Gifts, and general cubical works who need something fun to watch at work.

Not-So-Good: Would this be legal to knowingly market a product that shocks people even at an extremely low voltage? What would be the side effects? Although the "shocking" hand buzzers from childhood didn't hurt too bad, they were to this day very traumatic.

4) Interchangeable sports bumper stickers: Pretty sweet idea actually. If you travel to Boston you can slap on a Red Sox bumper sticker. They would be completely interchangeable and removable.

Good: This would "counter act" having an out-of-state licence plate while traveling. NY plates in Georgia with an Atlanta Braves bumper sticker could only help you if you get pulled over. Likewise, cabbies, and other busy city folk would be much less likely to give you the finger after cutting them off if you support their local team.

Not-So-Good: It's a bit on the paranoid side. Do folks really care where you're from? Also, shouldn't your favorite team bumper sticker just be permanently on your car?

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Field Trip

This photo was taken in Bennington. New York City has cows, Saratoga has horses, and Bennington has people???? Well... it is creepy and fun at the same time. In this picture, Luke's indifference to the statue shows that he is not acknowledging her as a person because she will not respond to him with the friendly "Hello!" that he receives from most ladies on the street. I, on the other hand, look like I'm about to rob the old lady of her groceries. I decided not to rob her, the bread looked pretty stale.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Your Mom

A lot of changes have been going down with my mom being sick lately and Amy's mom having a pseudo boyfriend. I have been bugging Amy with with many "your mom" jokes but they just haven't been cutting it.
Luckily there is always the Internet and the reliable "Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia":

Here's some helpful information that I found on the Wikipedia page entitled "Your Mom"

"Your mother" is also sometimes used as a sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek or a double entendre retort to either a mild criticism or even an innocuous statement. This often results in a sexual innuendo, as in the following examples:
Speaker 1: I want to give you something.
Speaker 2: That's what your mom said to me last night.
Speaker 1: What's your dad doing?
Speaker 2: Your mom!
Speaker 1: What do you wanna do next?
Speaker 2: Your mom!

Well .... those are a little harsh. Speaker 2 sounds like an @sshole.
In the spirit of NewDadDotCom, I'll stick with my G rated your mama jokes:

Speaker John: Amy, you look bored. Why don't you call your mom.
Speaker Amy: Why don't you call your mom.

Speaker John: Let's prank call your mom.
Speaker Amy: No! Go do the dishes.

Well.. I hope that helps any new dads who are trying to
have fun with some G rated "Your Mom" jokes.



Sunday, June 15, 2008

Going on the Lamb Soon?

Father's day makes me think of one of my father's best stories. When bar tending in the 70's, Jack said that
he was arrested for not having any finger prints. He said that the charges were dropped after he convinced
the fuzz that 50 hours a week of washing beer and cocktail glasses caused his finger prints to disappear.

Was this story true? Was my dad making this up? I don't know?

Well, If you know any one who is trying to change their identity or in trouble with the law then go to:

Cool... fake ssi numbers, fake visa numbers, fake addresses.

As a law abiding family guy I really don't need this site. But hey, Dr. Richard Kimble was a
good guy that needed a fake identity... so you never know.

Let's test it out and see what it generates:

John F. Zahn2284 Harrison StreetSan Geronimo, CA 9496
Phone: 415-488-5477
Mother's maiden name: Ruff
Birthday: January 20, 1971
Visa: 4532 5438 3771 7923
Expires: 10/2011
SSN: 613-34-8500
UPS Tracking Number: 1Z 823 951 08 8001 860 3

Sweet!!! I've always wanted to live in California.

Well... happy father's day dad!!!! I'll reminisce about
the "finger print" story as I do some online shopping